Review: Alisa (Palequills)

Alisa is hands down the hottest girl I’ve ever seen in my life. Not just in terms of her physical appearance, which is mindblowing — in addition to having a beautiful face, she’s a physical trainer and her body is like… etched out of marble — but also in terms of her general demeanor. Like Rose, she’s a favorite of 4chan to a creepy extent, and I’m pretty sure 4chan went full One Hour Photo on both of them, which is why you don’t see them around on the internet much anymore.

Instagram models are a dime a dozen, but Alisa is really something special. First of all, she’s not a well-known model and barely has any online media presence whatsoever (probably due to pretty sick behavior driving her off the internet), and secondly her beauty seems very effortless. She’s not caked in make-up, she’s not taking ducklips selfies, she just… looks like a 10/10 runway model and kind of doesn’t draw attention to it. She also has a beautiful speaking voice.

Additionally, Alisa has a very kind demeanor. Aside from fitness, her main thing is having a ton of exotic pets and taking care of them. There’s a certain amount of agape (“love for all things”) that’s required to nurture pets, especially pets like spiders — which may also be a form of self-defense — and you can tell from Alisa’s general aura that she has that. In addition to spiders, she also has an array of other pets — hedgehogs, geckos, dogs, I think even a squirrel.

Who wouldn’t want to hang out with geckos and squirrels? You kidding me? And she could probably beat up your enemies and throw spiders on them, so that’s also something. Seriously, this girl is built, she looks like a welterweight MMA fighter. I just want to crawl into her strong arms and feel safe.

Aside from that, she also listens to metal. And probably other stuff, who knows. Anyway, I’m down with that.

Yelp review: 5 stars.

Alisa, Savannah and Rose in a Japanese-modernist beachfront home surrounded by forest is where I want to go when I die.

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