Hey there. Yeah, you. Have you seen Steve1989MREInfo on YouTube? Why not? You’re missing out man. Steve1989 has one of the best shows on YouTube.
Let me start out by asking you a couple of important questions. Do you like wholesome, family-friendly entertainment? Do you like those food shows where people eat fancy food and then describe it to you using the most descriptive adjectives they can think of? Do you like watching people find immense joy in the smallest of small things?
Then boy do I have a show for you.
You, friend, need to hop on the ol’ YouTube.com and check out Steve1989MREInfo. It’s a show where a man reviews MREs. It doesn’t matter if you like MREs or not. Absolutely no interest in MREs is required, although you’ll probably develop one after watching the show.
Very little in our modern world compares to the beautiful purity of excitement and joy that Steve1989MREInfo experiences when he eats an expired, seemingly rancid freeze dried pear from a 50-year-old Lithuanian ration that was mailed to him by a stranger on the internet and it turns out to be “not bad at all! It tastes almost like a real pear!”
Watching the level of excitement Steve1989 reaches when he receives a rare and coveted ration in good condition and it ends up tasting good is like watching a child open up presents on Christmas morning. There is no more pure form of happiness. Steve is happy, you’re happy for Steve and somewhere, I guarantee you, an angel is getting its wings.
Tune in and achieve nirvana as you watch Steve1989 get all the MRE components out onto a tray even if the MRE already includes a tray across hundreds of hours of unrivaled entertainment.
Marvel as Steve1989 drinks pint after pint of Orange Carbohydrate Electrolyte Beverage Base, soldiers through some of the most disgusting Oliver Twist food imaginable (as well as more than a fair amount of pretty decent looking shelf-stable food), and unironically describes it all with the seriousness, palate and food vocabulary of a pretentious celebrity chef.
Steve1989 takes hosting to the next level by simultaneously narrating every video in a slow emotionless monotone that is somehow, impossibly, also the most emotionally infused narration style around. When Steve describes what is clearly an old stale cracker as “amazing”, I feel that.
Steve’s narration style is an extension of the show itself. The MRE food is on average so mediocre to bad, when something moderately tasty comes along, it’s an absolute A+, 5 star, zagat rated masterwork. Similarly, Steve is so subdued and calming that the slightest vocal cadence reflecting his genuine emotional reaction comes through like a hot knife cuts through butter.
Steve1989 has a comforting Mr. Rogers quality that you would not expect to find randomly on a YouTube channel that reviews old military rations.
If you told me that Steve1989 was a parody character intended to counterbalance the belligerence, hubris, narcissism, phony eccentricities, political obsessions and status chasing that pervades modern culture, I wouldn’t believe you even though you couldn’t make a better character if you tried.
Steve1989 is too pure for that.
He is too pure for this world.
(pssss That’s a nice hiss)